Most of us have watched a scene at one time or another similar to the one that I will describe:
“Ted” is on the phone and informs his wife that he will be working late, and later is found to have been in the throws of passion with another whom is not his bride.
When I saw that scene in a Spanish tele-novela, it caused me to think about two things; First, how I have placed work and things above my bride, and the second was to not allow Mom pick what to watch on TV. I know that as a man striving to have a strong fellowship with Jesus I should know that my wife is my priority. However, I slowly allowed work to consume the time that my wife deserves. It happens very innocently, first it is for the benefit of the project, and then it evolves into passion; not for profit but for satisfaction or perhaps attention.
It is easy for our work to do this- ANY OCCUPATION or even…..A HOBBY.
I work in a great organization that requires extensive traveling, and the availability to work long hours if necessary to produce and maintain aircraft to fit the mission at hand. I enjoy what I do. I enjoy the satisfaction of fixing complex discrepancies, teaching newly assigned mechanics, and managing their training in hopes of their eventual progression to my position, i.e. my replacement. Not to mention meeting department deadlines, maintenance planning, project schedules and being affluent with the latest technical changes in our business. I enjoy what I do (no sarcasm)! If I am not careful, it can cost me.
So now what? I missed our __(insert date) anniversary! I had come to the realization that my wife was not the priority mission. Well let me share with you what I did.
“And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he has committed sins, they shall be forgiven him. 16. Confess; your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” -James 5:15-16. KJV
It took a while to see that putting in those late hours at work was helping the team at work reach our goals. Those long hours however were not helping me accomplish my goal as a Godly husband and father.
Men, we have an awesome responsibility when we are given a bride. She then becomes the number one mission (Colossians 3:19; Eph 5:25-29). Even when we face defeat we must pick ourselves up and go forward. This is the “press” that the Apostle Paul was speaking of.
I was thankful that I was shown how I was wrong! Yet, I knew I had to ask God to forgive me for neglecting His daughter- His beautiful creation. I got so caught up in doing (providing) for my wife that I forgot that “being” with my wife is what helped our relationship. It was a slight confusion that wrapped me up for a few years, and in my profession very often leads to divorce.
I knew that what I had done was not against only the Lord but also HIS daughter. So I asked my wife to forgive me, she knew it was coming. It didn’t matter though; I wanted to make it better for her. I purposed to assess my time. I did not take my focus from my duties at work, I just put the focus in the right perspective, and built depth in my shop. I did this by allowing some of the younger guys take the lead on projects while I performed oversight. Do you know what happened? The work got done. It was hard at first, but it raised our level of workmanship and supercharged our shop’s identity.
Are you familiar with the old saying; “I can’t fix it if I don’t know it’s broke?” Confession is like that. It opens up our own admission not only for the sin that we confess, but for healing to begin. It gives the Lord the “green-light” to work on our behalf and work on us as we move through towards restoration. None of this can happen if we don’t first confess to Jesus that we do need his help. Of course he sees what you are going through and wants to help, but you have to ask him into the situation, you’ll be glad you did.
Renewed my mind- “ And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”-Romans 12:2 KJV.
The old” me” would work VOLUNTARILY for hours after quitting time, so I had to adopt a new way to work. I had to find a new way to balance being a Godly husband and great mechanic without either area loosing my attention. Simply, I had to renew my mind with the word of God. Did I have late nights at work? Yes, but it was only for involuntary circumstances. The days of staying late were few and far between. However, the urge to stay lingers. Production numbers nose dive, big inspections come up. We must renew our mind daily and put our God given priorities in their appropriate place.
This may take some delegation, or it may even require you to assess your position within the structure even if you are the CEO. Your decisions will reveal your desires regardless of your justification. So take a lunch break away from work with the Mrs. once a week. Let her know about how much you care for her. Have you ever told her what you thought about when you asked her to marry you, or (if you can remember) your first date? I hear chicks dig that (Wink).
The bottom line is that your wife or husband loves you and appreciates your hard work ethic, but it’s disappointing to them when they don’t feel they’re top priority in your existence. It’s your duty to ensure they feel number one in your life.
So check in with your bride, and ask? “Do you feel that I appreciate you, how can I make you feel like you are still the one?” DON’T TALK; JUST LISTEN………… AND DON’T JUSTIFY, PLEASE DON’T MAKE EXCUSES. Merely say ok and walk away if you have to. Recover and use the Intel you gathered and work it!
I have been on both sides of marriage when it’s awesome and when it’s over.
Take a chance, make her feel loved. It will bless you.
You may think that what I’ve shared with you was over the top or excessive. That’s fine by me to have your own opinion. This is how it worked for me. If you have a different method I pray it works out. If not, don’t stop trying. I have learned that having a spouse is having a treasure that is more precious than life itself –scripture records that Jesus loved her (the church) so much that he died for it.