Category Archives: Marriage

The “I” contact

The sure way to strain a relationship is no I contact. You might be surprised I did not say Eye contact. although that is important it is not the complete you. I will explain later. To often the first thing to go in a marriage is the attention within the marital union itself. Your married, spend a blissful time celebrating the union that is you and for a time the couple of expieriences the true affection and attention from each other. their love is new and appears strong. Most call this infatuation or even lust for one reason or another. Would you think that there would be loss of interest of the other? or even a dissatisfaction so early in the marriage? Heavens no!!
I am reminded of a time working on a jet when I was a young mechanic and my buddies next to me were trouble shooting the navigation system in the aircraft. they were reading out the wires and racking their brains against the manuals trying to work this out. I wondered in amazement how they were really working hard to tune that box in because it was reading one degree off course. “What’s the big deal.” I thought to myself it was just a degree. I was quickly informed that if your heading starts out just one degree, you will be miles away from your destination.
Marriage is no different. we start out and operate how the Master Mechanic(God) made the marriage but sooner or later either by lack of maintenance or even ignorance, the Gripes start coming, I want you to understand, that like my buddies; if you don’t troubleshoot these gripes in your marriage. your marriage like that jet will not fly right.

If women were to pick their spouse like they pick their clothes, and men were to attend to their wives like they tend to their career’s. I believe with my heart the image of marriage would be very different.

One degree off can take you miles away from where you want your marriage to be.  it is a decision all of us as men have to face.   your spouse wants you not just your eyes he/she wants you!  when was the last time both of you went out and really listened to how his/her day was?  when was the last time you daydreamed with your spouse?   when we don’t share our dreams it slowly chokes the hope that is within the marriage.  Men, your wife wants “I” contact. she want all of you, your flaws, short-comings, hopes and dreams. she is literally invested into you and is for you. It is a disservice if the same is not reciprocated.  Ladies,  your husband longs to feel you love him.  respect him as the man God is making him to be. Perhaps he is still short of the goal, then praise God for the slight advancement.  a Pastor friend who is in heaven once said during her sermon. “women you need to love you man! you need to make him feel like he can fly!”  I ask you as humbly as I know. How are you doing in  marriage. are you trying to work it out?  I encourage you to keep working at it. Your marriage is worth it.  To be continued……….

Esteem Away

There are people in life whom I have held in great esteem. For example, when I was a young teenage girl many of the pop culture music stars had my attention. Now when I say they had that attention I don’t mean only when I watched a music video. I attended to their articles in popular magazines that decorated the checkout stands, watched the talk shows that they appeared on, and even news segments that highlighted their lives. I took the time to get to know who they were as an individual and valued what they had to say. As I was in my early twenties, I held a great regard for friends I had built a certain amount of trust for. Giving them the same type of attention as I did to those stars, I would take a genuine interest in their lives. Unfortunately, as my trust was breached I easily let go of the value I held for their words or even who they were as a human. This became my defense mechanism; a wall so carefully built that it could not be penetrated by people rather taken down by God himself.

During the season of  what I call my “heart renovation”, I was very skeptical of people and their intentions, inadvertently keeping at bay great people for fear of a catosrophic repeat of pain. Yet, one day I came across these words in the Bible, “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4). This verse literally changed my outlook on life and my position in it.

You see, I would give to people the attentive dedication only if I didn’t feel threatened-my good was the first thing considered; not theirs. However, this is not how God freed me to live. He has freed both you and I to live and give of ourselves unhindered. As God’s children, we don’t have to walk around guarded, or looking out for our own interest all of the time; that is our heavenly father’s role. We can freely look out for the good of others.

We can highly regard people over ourselves, this is the model that Jesus displayed on earth. Although it isn’t always easy to do, it is much easier than painstakingly building walls that keep you bound to the pain of the past. Esteem my dear friend, esteem away.

Teresa Escalante

%d bloggers like this: